"Das Leben ist dumm!" - Life is stupid

It's true. I wish I could just go off in a foreign language and no one would judge me because they can't understand what I'm saying. German sounds like a good ranting language. Not that I don't rant in English...No, what I really want is to get away, go to Europe and get lost in the sunset on a gondola! With Italian ice cream and French bread and yummy German food. You can add in a handsome Russian too. Is Russia in Europe? I think it is...or at least part of it...how can part of it be in Europe and part in Asia? Maybe it's all in Asia, I mean Europe. Russia seems like a continent in and of itself, don't you think? Maybe that's just me. Does everyone split the alphabet into two pieces, a-l and m-z? Or is that just some kink in my brain? My brain has lots of kinks, so many that I think it's lost logical function. Or maybe everyone's brain is slightly unthinking. Or maybe chemistry has drilled a hole through it, leaving a pit of blankness. I'm so stupid! Yesterday I was reading in my trig book, and it has some discuss sections, and I was totally confused! I turned to the person behind me and I'm like "what does discus mean?" (You know, like the olympic sport) and they look, and they're like, "That's discuss..." "Oh. Forget that ever happened." bah! I thought discuss had an e at the end. Apparently not. And now I will start a new paragraph cause I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get grounded if I don't.

I don't handle stress very well, I've learned. I just break down and can't focus on anything else but my personal miseries. Which makes me feel very guilty and selfish and self-centered and weak and stupid and inadequate. Maybe I'll end up being an old maid with thirty cats. Except I think it'd be turtles, or goldfish, or something less irritating and messy than cats. Or maybe I'd just end up completely alone... I like clean houses. Well, to some extent. It can be cluttered, but it has to be clean. There's definitely a difference.

People bug me. The end.
Boys bug me. hahaha quote from Michelle: "His head really isn't that big... I didn't mean that figuratively." hahaha...hey, it's true.
Futile. That's pretty much the definition of what I feel right now. I won't go off about it though...there's not really any logical explanation, other than I feel like crap. I wish I was a better person sometimes. More....well, more...I feel that some people just laugh it off and don't care or can't see how I am...I wish I could be around those that do more often! I miss my family :( They are the only ones who truly understand who I am...Well, there is one friend that I feel knows me pretty much inside-out, but she has her own group of friends. I love her so much! She has been my best friend since kindergarten and she always will be! I don't think people even realize that, since we don't hang out all that much. But I love her to deaths! :)

But anyway...my Christmas was totally great!! I loved every minute spending together with my family. If only Ashley and Daniel were there! Speaking of which, they got me the first three seasons of Monk! I haven't watched any yet, but I am so excited! And I got Epic Mickey (which has frustrated the dickens out of me today. Bah!!! But it's fun other than the impossibly hard parts, then again are probably only me and my retarded brain) and I got a couple books that I wanted, including The Last Waltz, which I am good way through. It's about a woman living in Austria before and during WW1 and WW2. It's very...interesting. I'm learning a lot. I also got smelly stuff (good-smelling lol) and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (which I still need to watch!! I must do that Saturday...) and Despicable Me (which I have watched 4 times since Christmas. lol) and...from my Grandma a watch and earrings that I really like, and a cool woman necklace stand thing, and 20 bucks of course, and Up from their gift exchange...anything else? I think that's it... Oh, I made gingerbread men and pumpkin bread! :D I quite enjoyed my gingerbread men, they were pretty good if I do say so myself :)

Oh! This is very important! I have DROPPED physics, and am now taking a FREE hour! This is a huge relief, although I feel a little guilty and rebellious about it, but I completely deserve a break. There's no reason I need to take physics and continue torturing myself. At least that's what I keep telling myself...some people are not very happy with me

Business in action. I hate it. It's the definition of futile. Useless, unproductive junk! You sit there and listen (I totally just typed listen and didn't catch it until I read this for the third time lol) to an animated voice telling you what a computer is and how you need a keyboard to type. Really? No der! Baaaaaaah

Art. I am no good at it. History...booring. Can I go to sleep now? Trig...kind of exhilerating yet tragic at the same time. I suspect in a few days I won't think it exhilarating anymore. lol. Seminary...yay! And then free hour, where I can work on my trig homework, or read, or whatever! English...meeh, it's okay. So...yeah, there's my day! :|

I wish I was more motivated to write. I do love to do it, it's a great outlet for me, like this is right now. But I don't really have the craft to write stories anymore, I wrote a lot of poetry a few months ago but I'm kinda burnt out on that already. Just, journal writing and blogs. It's not really writing, but I like doing it anyway. And typing isn't really the same as writing. It's comforting in it's own way though...I guess. lol

I've been going on my rounds of over-thinking trying to decide what career I should go into. It goes from photography to graphic design to English to history to being a lazy bum...lol. I just don't think I'm good enough at anything to make a career out of it, which is potentially problematic. "Potentially problematic? When was the last time YOU held your breath underwater for an hour Hermione?"